i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
