Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
