What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
