After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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