Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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