grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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