it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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