we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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