can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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