9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
