I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
