Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
