Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
