Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
