Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
