She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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