i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
