Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
