i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
