Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
