Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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