It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
