Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
