I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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