tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
