my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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