pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
