I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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