Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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