My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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