New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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