what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
