I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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