She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
