Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
