I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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