I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
