I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
