Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
