Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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