but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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