my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
