i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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