If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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