She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
