Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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