He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
they need to just BURY HIM!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
