I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
