New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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