Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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