I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
